The Dark Triad of personality traits (DTP) consists of narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy. These traits manifest as excessive self-love, manipulative behavior, and a lack of empathy. Psychopaths are often deeply self-centered, leading to abusive relationships. Their partners are frequently the first victims—manipulated, exploited, and abruptly devalued before being discarded. But what about their children? Are they treated the same way, or is it different?
According to Perpetua Neo, a psychologist and therapist specializing in DTP, the answer is no. "Narcissists, psychopaths, and sociopaths lack empathy and cannot develop it. As a result, they never truly love anyone," she explained to Business Insider. "This doesn’t change when they have children. There is no primal instinct to protect or nurture their offspring because they don't see them as independent beings but as tools for their use." Neo adds, "Rather than saying, 'I will nurture you so you can become the amazing person you're meant to be,' a psychopath will think, 'You’re supposed to grow up and become my trophy.'"
The environment in which the child grows up is thus unhealthy: the child is unable to develop an independent sense of self and is burdened by the parent’s emotional distress. "Narcissists, for instance, tend to be deeply unhappy people with low self-esteem, dumping unnecessary emotional baggage onto their children," the psychologist explains.
A psychopath views their child as their "property," using them as an emotional outlet or sounding board as the child grows. "Some patients have told me that their parents said, 'The only reason I had you was so you could take care of me for the rest of my life,'" Neo notes. The psychopath also protects their "trophy," their possession: "You’re not allowed to have children," says Neo, "and you’re not allowed to get married. The parent will interfere in all kinds of relationships, stirring up drama to ensure the child remains single."
This toxic relationship becomes increasingly challenging as the child matures. As the child grows stronger and more self-aware, the parent becomes more fragile and, in response, attacks the child’s self-confidence to maintain control. "In the eyes of the psychopath, the child must be devalued. The parent will say things like, 'You’re fat, you’re useless, or you’re ugly.'"
On the other hand, when the child achieves something, the parent must take credit. "Everything always circles back to them," Neo explains. "As a result, the child grows up thinking, 'I have no say, and I don’t matter.'"
Do children of psychopaths end up becoming like their parents? "This only happens in a minority of cases," writes psychotherapist Michelle Piper. "Some children develop 'siege responses,' becoming emotionally withdrawn, highly independent, and less sensitive to others. They may manipulate others as if they were parents demanding their needs be met." However, Piper notes, "The most common response is 'compliance,' where the child learns to set aside their own needs and bend over backward to please others."
Children of narcissists, in particular, tend to exhibit "this compulsion to serve others," the psychologist concludes. "They become hyper-empathic, overly generous, and often remain trapped in relationships with narcissists throughout their lives."
The emotional and psychological impact of such family dynamics is profound and long-lasting. Growing up under the control of a narcissistic or psychopathic parent distorts the child’s sense of self and worldview. These children often suppress their emotions and ignore their needs, developing hypervigilance and a tendency to anticipate others’ reactions to avoid conflict. This coping mechanism can lead to toxic relational patterns in adulthood, where they unconsciously replicate behaviors of submission or, conversely, hyper-control, in an attempt to reclaim the sense of power they never had during childhood.
